When we are waiting for the sun to rise

"My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning."

Psalm 130:6

Before the earliest signs of light,

when it is still dark,

everyone arrives…

before the sun comes up. 

They come because they have faith it will rise. 

And then, a soft glow begins to spread across the sky, breaking in pinks, lavenders and pale blues… they know what is about to happen, and with bated breath, they watch, and wait, and expect what they believe will come. 

The sun will rise, first with just a small light, and then in radiant beams lighting up the world and making everything make sense that was shrouded in darkness before. 

What if we acted with this much expectation when we are waiting for God to show up?

What if we arrived at the places where we expect him to appear before we even know what will happen, so we can be ushers of his glory and grace to those who didn’t expect him to be there at all?

And when the Son shows himself, we can point others to the beauty of our Lord and marvel at the majesty that he exhibits for all to see when he confirms the faith of those who waited for him to reveal himself.

This sense of feeling drawn to a place because I believed God had more in store for me is what drew me to Thailand. I knew that he was going to reveal himself. I just didn't know how.

But I knew that I didn't want to miss it.

And to my delight, he proved that there was more than I could have imagined.

All of the things that I have hoped and prayed that God would use in me to accomplish his mission have found a place to be realized here, and sometimes in the most unexpected ways.

Discipleship in relationships, art being used to dive into the deeper realities of who God is and who we are because of that, and a sense of creating a home for people who just long to be heard and known and loved.

It just makes me wonder... what if we weren’t surprised by God’s hand working in our lives anymore, not because we are passive observants but because we are active carriers and grateful receivers of the things which God has in store?

What would happen if we looked for the presence of the Son of God in our lives more often, and were eager to catch a glimpse of who he is? 

Maybe we wouldn’t miss as much.

Maybe we would see people more clearly, and maybe we’d see Jesus more often.

Maybe we’d realize how those inconveniences that used to frustrate us were actually divine appointments or moments of holy redirection. 

This is how I want to live: always looking for where God is going to show himself, even if it’s in the most mundane places… because he is capable of turning what seems small and inconsequential into something spectacular. 

And I’ve noticed this happens more when I’m striving less.

It’s good to explore and wonder and try things out, but sometimes you just have to give it a rest, take your hands off and ask God what he would have you do from the place you are in… and I think that’s when he loves to unpack all he’s been holding for us which we weren’t willing to receive when we were holding onto what we thought was right. 

I have seen this in my life a lot recently, but especially since coming to Thailand. It seems like God has been holding my hand and guiding me down a path like a father gently walks with his daughter. And even when I pointed out some ways that I thought could be good to follow, he gently showed me the way he had for me which proved to be better and more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Initially I thought I would work in more mercy ministry (which I did end up doing later) but God started by showing me that there were people he simply brought me here to be friends with and that my art was going to be used in places I wasn't anticipating to encourage those he put in my life for this season.

When I laid down the gifts he’s given me to receive what he had for me now, I watched him pick them up and transform them into better versions and put them back in my hands. I don’t think God gives us gifts to just strip us of them when we least expect it, but I think he refines them in us to best exhibit his glory.

And as long as he goes with us, we can know we are going to be okay because he is by our side. Sometimes the thing that brought you to a place isn’t the main reason why you are there, it just helped you get there so God could reveal what he actually had for you. 

Sometimes waiting for the sun to rise can feel more like waiting for the night to end.

If you have ever longed so deeply to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and then you wake to a dreary grey sky, it can be easy to forget the reason why we looked for the sun in the first place.

But in those moments, when you don't find what you were looking for, I've found that sometimes it just takes looking beside you to see who is there waiting and watching as well. If we broaden our vision to see not just what we want to see, maybe we will catch why God brought us there. And maybe it was more about who than what he had for us.

What if you carry the light that someone prayed for? If you are unwilling to enter the spaces where the light is most needed, then the darkness can threaten to overwhelm those trapped in it with no way out. On our own the default mechanism can be to flee the places that we cannot see in, but Psalm 139:11-12 reminds us that even if we say,

“'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,'

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

A lot of people will talk about how much spiritual darkness is present in Thailand, and they are not wrong. But it can be hidden behind faces that do not want to show that there is something wrong, and so sometimes you have to stay long enough to let your eyes adjust so you can see those in the dark and direct them to the light.

I have found that continuing to show up with people provides the space for them to open up about the harder parts of their lives. And the communion that occurs as a result of the sweet fellowships that have been tended to is the closest I think we can get to heaven on earth. I have so enjoyed getting to know so many sweet people in Thailand and also wrestle with them over the difficult parts of life like what it looks like to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves and ask how we discern what is true and good?

Thailand is a haven for many who have fled countries of religious oppression and exploitation, but it also means there are a lot of people here who do not know where they belong or where they can go or who they can trust. It has been such a gift to see the way the church wraps their arms around these people.

One of the main takeaways that I will carry with me from my time this summer is that the work that is happening here is generative, or it creates upon itself. That seems to always be the case when we are inviting God to establish the work of our hands. Like the way that an artist may get an idea by reflecting on another artist's work, we are able to build off of one another's efforts for establishing the kingdom of God.

And what is beautiful is that God can multiply our small contributions to accomplish the larger purpose he has always had in store. We are just called to be faithful stewards of our little corner of the world and pray for God to water the seeds that will one day grow into an eternal garden.

For all who have prayed for the time that I have spent here, thank you, because God has truly answered those requests in the most beautiful ways that make leaving really hard.

I love Thailand so much, and it makes my heart glad to know that God is not finished yet, so please continue to lift up this place and these people and for the Lord's will to be done.

Keep waiting for the sun to rise.